Review: Lord of Chaos by Robert Jordan

When I first read Robert Jordan’s Lord of Chaos back in 1997, I remember it being a grueling read that sapped my enthusiasm for the series. In many ways, it sets the formula for its successors — hundreds of pages of inertia punctuated by an event at the end. Now that I’m older and am better at deconstructing an author’s intent, successful or not, I do appreciate what Robert Jordan was trying to do with the book. The payoff is neatly executed based on themes set-up throughout the book, it’s just that it necessitates making the women of the book — particularly Nynaeve and Elayne — extremely unlikable.

Lord of Chaos is fundamentally about Rand’s relationship with the Aes Sedai, which in turn is a proxy for the relationships between men and women in general. In Fires of Heaven, Moiraine told him never to trust another Aes Sedai — Rand understands the argument, but naively underestimates the two delegations that come to him. He chooses to trust the wrong delegation, and that in turn forces a series of events that culminates in the Battle of Dumai’s Wells, perhaps one of the most visceral and exhilarating action sequences in the series. The final moments of the story proper also bring about the natural resolution for Robert Jordan’s major themes — his view of the politics between men and women, and in particular, the manipulation and humiliation of men at the hands of women and ultimately the need for women to submit to men.

I’m not sure if I would describe Robert Jordan as a sexist, necessarily, and he’s definitely not a misogynist, but he takes the “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” approach to an embarrassing level. The women of the book do not treat its men very well — indeed, Rand is literally tortured for being a man that can channel (though one wonders if he’s tortured for simply being a man who stands up to powerful women). This has been a problem for me throughout the series, but I find it especially troubling in Lord of Chaos. Gender is treated as a see saw, tilting the balance of power between one side or the other. There is no equality, only a struggle for dominance.

I want to continue my re-read of the series to get to Brandon Sanderson’s contributions, but I wonder how much more of this I can take. It’s especially a shame because the earlier books were so entertaining. Alas, I must grit my teeth and soldier on to the end, although each volume grows more tedious than the last.

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A Game of Thrones Trailer

For years, the characters and places of George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” series have lived in my head. Now they exist outside, and judging from the brief teaser for HBO’s adaptation, Game of Thrones, the show is going to get the details right.

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Review: Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem

Brooklyn. The name floats constantly in the air, calling to hipsters of all ages from across the globe. As a resident of Washington, D.C., I have seen numerous people I know move there, some returning to Washington, some staying behind on that distant island to the north with its beckoning neighborhoods — Bed-Stuy, Park Slope, Williamsburg. Just as Manhattan was once (and still is) the source of all-consuming New York City naval gazing, Brooklyn has now seized its own chunk of the self-obsessed NYC mantle. “Brooklyn is the new Manhattan,” Ted Danson’s editor character told Jason Schwartzman’s Jonathan Ames character on the HBO series, Bored to Death.  Sadly, it was only half a joke.

Jonathan Lethem’s Fortress of Solitude is perhaps the gold standard for Brooklyn narcissism. It follows the story of Dylan Ebdus, a white kid whose parents were part of the early wave of gentrification in the 1970′s, Fortress of Solitude is about how contemporary Brooklyn came to be than it is how Dylan Ebdus grew into adulthood there. Long and rambling, most chapters serve to celebrate some aspect of Brooklyn’s history, painting the city with obtuse sentences that sound good as they roll into the brain from the page (or in my case, my Kindle), but when considered for too long hardly make a bit of sense.

Just as race relations and gentrification are the sources of modern Brooklyn’s conflicts (one need look no further than Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing to see that gentrification has long been a concern for the borough), race relations inform the central plot of the novel. Dylan, being a living racial experiment for his Utopian mother, is the one white boy in a black neighborhood and black public school. Thus he is bullied and harassed for his whiteness by a sea of faceless black children. With the exception of his friend Mingus Rude, most black characters in the early part of the novel are pretty much the same character — a dehumanized other who exist solely to “yoke” Dylan for pocket change. If anything, Dylan’s experience is a reflection of white anxiety more so than the reality of race relations. Dylan’s experience is, I think, oversimplified and stereotypical. The reality of minority whites in a majority black city is much more complex — as a father with children in a D.C. public charter school, I can say with some authority that the brutalization of Dylan’s daily life does not reflect the reality my daughters see every day in our city. As a human being, I’m offended by the simplification of many of the book’s black characters.

Dylan drifts through the tumultuous 1970′s reading Marvel comics, seeing the emergence of disco, punk and hip hop, and incongruously receiving a magic ring from a flying homeless man. Literature enthusiasts will no doubt enjoy the “magical realism” of this ring, which is barely explained and may not actually be real. But as a longtime reader of fantasy, particularly contemporary “slipstream” fantasy that has its own literary ambitions, I have to say that Lethem handles the ring rather clumsily. It seems incredibly out of place in Dylan’s bildungsroman, and does not help the sprawling, unfocused narrative.

In the end, Fortress of Solitude became a chore to finish — as my enthusiasm waned, I found it harder and harder to get through its pages. Perhaps if I aspired to one day move to Brooklyn, I would have had a different experience with the novel — but as I have no affection for that magical borough, I can confidently say that this book is not for me, or others not already enamored with it.

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A Better Approach for Israel

Look, I’m not going too get to far into my views on Israel and Palestine — they’re complicated, and quite frankly I can see both sides of the argument. I believe that the right thing to do would be for all of them to live together in one secular multicultural state and let democracy decides who leads the country. I know this isn’t likely to ever happen, but that would be my utopian hope.

In regards to the recent Israeli attack on the Gaza-bound flotilla, it does behoove the anti-Israeli forces of the world to remember that Turkey’s hands are just as stained as Israel’s in regards to human rights. Think of the Kurds, disenfranchised and constantly under the yoke of the Turkish military, denied their own homeland, or occupied Cyprus. Ask any Greek Cypriot about their thoughts on Turkish democracy, and you’re bound to get a view quite dissimilar from the the views of the flotilla’s supporters.

So my point is, although I don’t approve of Israel’s treatment of Gaza, I also don’t approve of Turkey, either. Both countries are ethnic-religious states that claim to be secular, but are driven by religious and ethnic forces. Both states are primarily supportive of democracy for particular ethnic groups, and in the case of Israel, the Israeli’s have a much better record on Arab rights than Turkey has on their minorities.

A group in Israel is organizing an alternative flotilla in the name of bringing supplies to the Kurds in an effort to shed light Turkey’s own human rights abuses. As Andrew Sullivan has said, this would be a smarter path for Israel to take. It doesn’t necessarily negate Israel’s own issues with the Palestinians, but it does prove that Turkey is no moral authority in the world, either. And the flotilla was a cynical PR stunt driven by the Middle Eastern ethnic conflict and not genuine philanthropy.

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Adapting to a Low Sodium Diet Part III: Counting Sodium

Okay, so I’ve defined what a low sodium diet is, and I’ve told you how to prepare your kitchen for the changes to come. What I have avoided, however, is how a low sodium diet works. This is the hard part — and I have to admit, it was difficult for me when I started. But if it’s the choice between surviving and needing a series of complicated and dangerous surgeries to stay alive, then it’s a choice I’m willing to make. Just remember, LVAD’s require a line in your torso that comes out of a permanent wound. This wound must be meticulously cared for to avoid infection, and you can never shower or live too far away from an electrical outlet to power the device and charge the incredible amount of batteries you must carry with you at all times. A heart transplant is procedure where your heart is removed and replaced with another person’s heart — in order to keep you alive, you must take some pretty powerful drugs with a host of side effects to ensure that your immune system does not reject your new heart. Both procedures will keep you alive, but neither is preferable to keeping your own heart.

A low sodium diet will allow you to keep your own heart — it won’t eventually remove the need for an LVAD or a heart transplant, but it will forestall that inevitability. So think about that before you decide that you really can’t do it.

The approach I take is based on the Weight Watchers diet. Every day, I give myself a certain allotment of sodium — in the beginning, it was 2,000 milligrams a day, but now it’s about 1,500 milligrams a day. Every meal I eat, I determine the amount of sodium in it and subtract it from my total. Once I get down to zero, I don’t permit myself to eat any more sodium.

It took me a very long time to get the formula just right. It requires reading the nutritional label on everything you buy, and making sure that whenever you eat something, you stick to the serving size as a measure of sodium.

For example, a jar of Green Mountain Gringo Salsa is 90 mg of sodium per two tablespoons. That means that if I want a modest helping, I can eat four tablespoons for 180 mg of sodium. It doesn’t sound like a great amount — and it isn’t — but before I mastered cooking my own sodium-free salsa, it was the way I had to go.

Following the serving size is the key — even though I don’t believe for a moment that it’s an accurate representation of how much sodium is in a given portion of food, it is the best measure we have.

Now, there’s plenty of food that contains only trace amounts of sodium — fresh fruit, vegetables and fresh meats. I don’t bother to count them, although some stricter adherents to the low sodium diet do. This is your choice to make — for me, I worry about prepared foods and sauces, but if you want a perfect count of sodium, you should look up the sodium values in fruits, vegetables and meats and add them into your total.  It’s up to you.

To give you a general idea of what my typical day looks like, here’s what I eat, with the understanding that I don’t go over 1,500 milligrams (mg) of sodium:

  • For breakfast, I have two granola bars and a piece of fruit. The granola bars are at 50 mg each, totaling 100mg of sodium. The fruit I count as 0, so I am left with 1400 mg of sodium for the rest of the day.
  • For lunch, on work days, I have a frozen Healthy Choice meal. It’s not a lot of food, but the sodium levels are pretty low, and I’ve come to really like them. I prefer the “Cafe Steamers” line of meals, especially the Cajun-style Chicken and Shrimp bowl, which costs 570 mg of a sodium. This leaves me with  830 mg of sodium for the rest of the day.
  • Now, I prepare most of my dinners from scratch, but it didn’t used to always be that way. Before I cooked everything from scratch, I used off-the-shelf products. For a spaghetti dinner, I would fry up some ground pork or hamburger and add it to some Classico sauce. The spaghetti itself, cooked without salt, is 0 mg of sodium. Classico Tomato and Basil sauce is 310 mg of sodium for a half cup, so one cup comes out to 620 mg of sodium. That leaves me with 210 mg of sodium for the rest of the day. Recall that I don’t count the meat, which has only trace amounts of sodium.
  • Later that evening, I’ll have some chips and salsa as a snack. The no salt added restaurant-style tortilla chips from Whole Foods have 0 mg of sodium per serving, so I can eat as much as I want. The salsa, as previously reported, is 180 mg of sodium for 4 tablespoons, so that leaves me with 30 mg of sodium, just under my maximum for the day. And I’m finished.
  • Remember, you should always supplement your meals with fresh fruits and vegetables.

That’s only an example of what I consider to be an “easy” day of low sodium living. You can eat a lot more if you make your foods from scratch with fresh ingredients. In future installments in this series, I’ll go through a week of how I eat now, including recipes, and show you just how livable a low sodium diet really is.

And one final note, after a year of living on this diet, I’ve lost over 45 lbs! I went from size 36 pants, to size 32 pants, and the 32′s are kind of baggy. So if watching your weight is an issue, this is a great way to lose weight and stay off the transplant list. A win-win, in my book.

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Book Review: Kaboom by Matthew Gallagher

Mathew Gallagher, though largely unheard of in civilian circles, was at the center of a mild military firestorm when officers discovered his blog, which was openly critical of institutional bureaucracy. Ultimately, the brass  forced him to shut down his blog, but Gallagher kept writing — the result is his memoir of his experience on the wire in Iraq as a platoon leader, Kaboom.

Gallagher excels at describing the peculiar culture of America’s volunteer army with humor and attention to the little details. Throughout Kaboom, we get a sense of the ground level insanity and simple stupidity of the military leadership, while gaining an enormous respect for the troops tasked with carrying out what are sometimes contradictory orders. The day-to-day of military life is grueling, boring and sometimes rattled by moments of violence, and Gallagher’s account certainly conveys that to a largely ignorant civilian audience. Throughout the book, one develops a great appreciation for the soldiers, NCO’s and junior officers out in the field, trying to making America’s counterinsurgency plan in Iraq work.

In addition, Gallagher describes the complicated political situation on the ground between Shia and Sunni Iraqis, various paramilitary forces, the Iraqi National Police, the Iraqi Army in a way that further illustrates the naiveté of the war’s original goals.

It’s also worth noting that much time in the book is given to illustrating the U.S. Army’s dependence on civilian interpreters (or “terps”), and the bravery of the local men who openly collaborate with the Americans for the greater good of their country. The interpreters are a fully integrated part of the U.S. military presence in Iraq and being identified by the wrong people could put their lives and the lives of their families at great risk. Yet these men continue to work with the U.S. Army in an attempt to improve conditions in Iraq.

Where the book falls short, however, is when Gallagher attempts to describe his state of mind through all this — the resulting chapters read like a mix of blank verse and Nine Inch Nail lyrics. He’s best when he’s writing a clear account of the facts, but at his weakest when he attempts to push his writing beyond that.

I have not read many books on the war in Iraq — Evan Wright’s Generation Kill being the only other one — so I can’t speak to how Kaboom compares to other Iraq memoirs. I can say, however, that I found it to be an engaging and funny look at a world that is poorly reported by the mainstream media. It was certainly worth my time.

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Adapting to a Low Sodium Diet Part II: Preparing Your Kitchen

Now that you’ve decided to adopt a low sodium diet, the first thing you need to do is throw away all the salt in your home. This means boxes of Kosher salt, sea salt and regular old table salt. Think of it as poison that must be disposed of, because it will literally poison your heart. Flush it down the toilet if it makes you feel better, but make sure not even a packet of salt remains.

If you’re on heart medication, don’t even think about trying a salt substitute. Salt substitute is typically potassium chloride, and heart patients often have issues with too much potassium as a side effect of their medication. There’s no need for you to increase the amount of potassium in your system — so salt substitute is out. Also, do you really want to put something in your body called “potassium chloride?”

Next you need to throw away all your ketchup, hot sauce, barbecue sauce, pickles, relish, spaghetti sauce, canned vegetables, canned and packaged meats, hot dogs, canned soups, boxed soups, bullion, salted butter, margarine, lunch meats, all frozen meals (except for Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine), cheeses (except for swiss) and any other prepared foods you might have. You won’t need these, either — they are just as toxic to you as the table salt. You can, however, keep the ice cream if you stick to the serving size.

Oh yeah, and that salt shaker you keep on the counter — you can throw that away, too. I know you thought I’d miss that, but I don’t miss anything.

It is also strongly recommended that you stop drinking caffeinated beverages — this includes so-called de-caffeinated coffee and tea. Herbal tea may be okay, but check with your doctor, first — you don’t want it to interfere with your meds.

By now, your kitchen has been thoroughly emptied, and you are no doubt wondering what’s going to happen next. Don’t worry, all will become clear in due time. Stick with me, and please trust me. The hard part is over. Now on to the fun part.

Getting Equipped

Since you’re going to need to start cooking for yourself, you’re going to need to be properly equipped. Here are the essentials of any good kitchen:

  • At least 1 large pot
  • At least 2 sauce pans
  • At least 2 frying pans
  • At least 2 baking sheets
  • At least 1 pizza pan
  • At least 1 cheese grater
  • At least 1 broiling pan
  • At least 2 mixing bowls (a set containing many different sized bowls is recommended)
  • A set of good sharp kitchen knives
  • At least 2 large spoons for stirring
  • At least 2 spatulas
  • At least 1 vegetable peeler
  • At least 1 whisk
  • At least 1 garlic press
  • At least three pairs of tongs
  • A small cutting board
  • A large cutting board
  • Assorted large sealed containers for flour, sugar, rice and other supplies
  • Large and Medium Freezer Bags
  • Microwavable storage containers (such as Gladware)
  • 1 spicerack
  • 1 slow cooker (such as a Crock Pot)
  • 1 food processor
  • 1 mixer
  • 1 tri-color male beagle (for purposes of spill clean-up)

Spices

Spices are critical to cooking, especially now that you’ve eliminated salt. Here’s what I would recommend:

  • Black Pepper
  • Red Cayenne Pepper Powder
  • Chipotle Pepper Powder
  • Cumin
  • Sodium-Free Chili Power
  • Sodium-Free Italian Seasoning
  • Sodium-Free Garlic Powder
  • Dried Oregano
  • Dried Cilantro
  • Dried Basil
  • Dried Parsley
  • Fennel Seed
  • Crushed Red Pepper Flakes
  • Mrs. Dash (a blend of different peppers and spices often marketed to heart patients)

Obviously, you can add more to your taste — just make sure you check the label and are 100% confident that the spice contains no sodium. Many powders, including Chili Powders, contain salt, so be careful.

Basic Ingredients

The following items are the basic ingredients for many low-sodium recipes, and you should always have them close at hand:

  • Several cans of Hunts no salt added tomato sauce
  • Several cans of Hunts no salt added tomato paste
  • Several cans of Hunts no salt added stewed tomatoes
  • Several cans of Hunts no salt added diced tomatoes (they even make basil, garlic and oregano-seasoned varieties!)
  • Several cans of no-salt added black beans (or dried black beans)
  • Several cans of no-salt added garbonzo beans/chick peas (or dried garbonzo beans)
  • Vegetable Oil
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil
  • Flour
  • Sugar
  • Corn Starch
  • No-salt added butter
  • Rice (whatever kind you prefer — I usually have long-grain white rice in my kitchen)
  • Low sodium chicken broth

Ketchup

There are two major brands of no-salt added ketchup: Heinz and Hunts. The Heinz ketchup tastes the most like “real” ketchup, but uses potassium chloride as a salt substitute. The Hunts ketchup does not include a salt substitute, and tastes a little strange if you’re used to regular ketchup. I personally use the Heinz brand because I like it better, but I try to be conservative with how much Heinz no-salt added ketchup I eat due to the potassium chloride.

Meats

Fresh meats contain trace amounts of sodium, but in general  are safe for you to eat. As long as the meat is fresh and not pre-marinaded, you should be all right. I regularly eat:

  • Chicken
  • Hamburger
  • Ground Pork (which I make into homemade sausage)
  • Steak
  • Fish (though I don’t really like fish that much)

Fruits and Vegetables

Fresh fruits and vegetables only contain trace amounts of sodium, so you can usually eat as much as you want. For fruits, I would recommend that you get whatever you like, but as fresh vegetables are used in most recipes, I would recommend keeping a supply in your fridge.

I generally keep my kitchen stocked with the following fresh vegetables:

  • Russet baking potatoes
  • Red onions
  • Fresh white garlic
  • Roma tomatoes
  • Vine ripe tomatoes
  • Serano chili peppers
  • Jalapeno chili peppers
  • Red hot chili peppers
  • Anaheim chili peppers
  • Green or red bell peppers
  • Fresh tomatillos
  • Fresh cilantro
  • Fresh mushrooms
  • Cucumbers

Breads

Breads are tricky, because they tend to contain a lot of sodium. Many people on a low sodium diet get bread makers to make their own bread, but I’ve found most of the low-sodium bread recipes to be pretty terrible overall. I generally keep hamburger buns around that are 150 mg of sodium per serving. For sliced bread, Ezekiel Bread (found in the freezer section) tastes great, and is fairly low sodium.

Lately, I’ve been baking my own sodium-free pita bread once a week.

Cheese

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come out with the truth. Most types of cheese have too much sodium for you to eat. There are low-sodium brands out there (particularly at Trader Joe’s), but they are very difficult to find. The only cheese you can safely eat is swiss, which usually comes down to 40mg of sodium per slice.

I keep around Kraft’s extra-thin sliced swiss, and Harris Teeter’s store brand aged shredded swiss. I don’t eat any other kind of cheese due to the high sodium content. Fortunately, I like swiss a lot, but it was tough for me to give up cheddar.

Fresh mozzarella (the kind that comes as balls in liquid) is also usually fairly low sodium. But other than that, you’re going to have avoid any other kind of cheese.

Condiments

If the serving size for a condiment is under 60mg of sodium, I will usually keep them around. For instance, I keep yellow mustard around, and usually add a teaspoon to burgers.  However, I never go over the serving size. If a condiment contains more than 60 mg, I usually don’t bother with it — it’s wasted sodium that I could spend on something more meaningful.

Spaghetti Sauce

Alas, low-sodium spaghetti sauce is generally terrible. Francesco Rinaldi and Amy’s Organic are the only two major brands that offer a truly low-sodium sauce, and I don’t care for either. Other brands offer a “heart healthy” variety, but usually contain the same level of sodium as the non-heart healthy varieties. I usually make my own spaghetti sauce — it’s easy to prepare and tastes great.

Getting Supplies

If your local grocery store doesn’t contain much of what I outline above, I would recommend making a monthly outing to the nearest Whole Foods to stock-up on low-sodium supplies. If that’s not an option for you, there are a number of online stores that offer low-sodium products. These tend to be overly expensive, but if they’re the only option you have, then you should use them:

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Adapting to a Low Sodium Diet Part I: Introduction

Recently, my cardiologist contacted me about helping other patients adjust to a low sodium diet. In the world of cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure (CHF), I am a rare success story — a patient who has successfully adopted the radical diet that can help prolong the life of someone with chronic heart disease.

The survival rate for someone with CHF is 7% in the two years following diagnosis. This rate is worse than many aggressive forms of cancer, including lymphoma and breast cancer. Now, this isn’t from a lack of medical solutions — there is a whole host of tried and tested heart medication out there to help patients survive. In addition, there are implanted cardiac defibrillators (ICD’s) that can shock a failing heart back to life and correct dangerous arrhythmia (I have one of these installed); left ventricle assist devices (LVADS), which augment and support a failing heart, and ultimately, heart transplant. Experimental options also exist — the stem cell and artificial organ creation fields offer promising treatments in the future — but they are largely untested and for now are not a viable option.

No, the key problem with CHF patients is their inability to adopt a true low sodium diet. A failing heart is too weak to pump fluid through the body — this results in the accumulation of fluids in the neck, ankles, hands and lungs. The role of CHF medication is to reduce the load on the heart, limit the fluids that accumulate in the body and reduce blood pressure so the heart doesn’t have to work as hard. But as doctors will tell you, heart medication is not enough. Diuretics are not enough. You need to radically reduce the sodium in your diet — without doing so, you will inevitably succumb to the symptoms of CHF.

Reducing sodium in your diet sounds easy enough, but most patients don’t have the medical and dietary knowledge to understand what a low sodium diet entails. In addition, our society depends largely on processed or prepared foods, which are literally contaminated with sodium. The average American is supposed to eat just 2,000 milligrams of sodium a day, but in fact consumes more than 5,000 milligrams. A low sodium diet is vaguely defined as being under 1,500 milligrams of sodium a day, just 500 milligrams shy of the recommended norm. But with many meals containing twice that amount, it’s very difficult, if not impossible, to figure out how to achieve that diet without help.

When I was first diagnosed with CHF in December of 2009 and sent home after a week-long hospitalization, I had completely succumbed to depression. I lay on the couch, I felt horrible, and I was convinced that I was going to die. My wife and mother made various low sodium meals for me, but without a guide on how to do it, I was mostly given unseasoned chicken and plain rice. Low sodium, yes, but akin to eating mushy cardboard.

At this point, patients often give up. They decide they can’t live without regular food, and they pack it in, hoping that they get by on their meds alone. But something happened to me that gave me the inspiration to move on.

As I lay on the couch, contemplating my own mortality, I watched a three-day marathon of Anthony Bourdain’s show, No Reservations, on the Travel Channel. Anthony Bourdain, if you are unaware, is a former chef and author who travels abroad to learn about other cultures through their food. Watching this show, I also watched different types of food being prepared, often in developing world conditions. So many of the dishes I saw looked amazing, and I was struck by how easy they seemed to be to make given the sometimes less-than-ideal conditions in which they were prepared. Now, I had basic cooking utensils in my kitchen, but like many Americans, I ate out every night. I rarely used them. But now I had an idea: I could learn to cook without salt.

I combed the Internet, and found an amazing site — Low Sodium Cooking.com — that contained recipes specifically created for heart patients. Its author, Dick Logue, has survived for 10 years without a heart transplant or LVAD due to his commitment to a low sodium diet. This is five times the expected survival rate of a CHF patient. If Dick Logue could do it, then maybe I could, too.

My favorite food is chips and salsa. With very few exceptions, store bought salsa is filled with sodium. Dick had a recipe for salsa on his site. So, against my better judgement, I hauled myself out of bed and with my family in tow went to the Harris Teeter supermarket in the Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington, D.C., and bought myself the supplies I needed to make it. This was an incredibly difficult trip — both emotionally and physically. I was sure I was dying. I wept while I was in the store, gathering the vegetables I needed. I had never cooked anything that complicated in my life. But I was going to make something I liked, and I was going to at least go down enjoying food, again.

So I made that salsa — it took me three hours, but I did it. My wife even made low sodium chips for me out of tortilla shells (I would later discover unsalted tortilla chips at Whole Foods that contain 0 mg of sodium). It wasn’t quite what I wanted, but it tasted good enough. I could do this.

Now, it’s been a year and a half since that moment. Last weekend I made homemade pitas, Greek-style lamb kabobs and rice pilaf with less than 150mg of sodium content. My ejection fraction, the number that describes how strongly your heart is pumping, is just 15%, but I go to work every day, cook most of my own food myself, and live a relatively normal life. My lung function, while not normal, is good enough at rest — I am not drowning in my own fluids. No coughing, no shortness of breath, and I have the ability to walk fairly long distances (though days in the sun can wipe me out). Many people with better heart function than I have are on heart transplant lists and have LVADS installed. The only difference between them and me is diet — I am on an aggressively low sodium diet, and they are not.

I can’t describe how many patients I’ve met over the last year with classic heart failure symptoms who say they can’t do this. But the reality is, they choose not to. They can do this. CHF is a horrible disease, but unlike cancer, it’s something that you can fight — you can take action to help ensure that you don’t succumb to it. As I said, Dick Logue has lived for 10 years and still works full time, and I have lived over a year and also work full time. I’m not special — I’m just a normal person who adapted his diet. And despite what you might think, you can, too.

Over the next few weeks, I will describe how I adhere to a low sodium diet and still enjoy eating. I prepare food every night that I enjoy, and it contains very little sodium. This series is mainly for the purpose of sharing with my fellow patients at the Washington Hospital Center congestive heart failure clinc, but hopefully other patients will find this helpful. Much of what I’ve learned, I’ve learned from other people on the Web, and I will reference them as much as I can. Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor or dietician — you should always check with your doctor if you have any questions about my advice.

This is my personal blog, and I will admit that I write about a wide range of subjects, of which cardiomyopathy and CHF is one. I hope you aren’t turned off by the political beliefs espoused on this site — what we share as heart patients transcends political disagreements. I want to help you live, just as others have helped me live.

Remember, you can do this. You will have to change your life — there’s no question that it’s a difficult transition — but it’s one you can make. You can both eat well and survive. I promise you, this is something you can do.

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The BP Apocalypse

I’ve been wondering why there’s been few images of the so-called “oil-spill” coming out of the Gulf of Mexico — apparently BP is keeping the whole area on lock down, with the local police helping to keep the cameras out. I know this not because of national news coverage (which some days appears to have forgotten about what’s happened), but because of a Mother Jones article my friend Chris tweeted about. We truly are living in a William Gibson future, with evil corporations running everything. I type the words “evil corporations” without a hint of irony, secure in my understanding that BP is indeed evil.

The scale of what’s happened in the Gulf — the environmental consequences of the destruction of the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig — boggles the mind. The national press calls it a “leak” or “spill,” but the reality is that a fissure has opened on the ocean floor, and millions of gallons of oil are spewing out into the water from ancient deposits deep in the earth. I suspect the language used by the media was actually suggested to them by BP PR flaks — if you minimize the damage with language that suggests just a little problem, the public will completely ignore it. The reality is that the seabed is literally erupting petroleum into the ocean, so much that the ocean doesn’t seem so vast that it can’t be irreparably harmed by it. And even as BP goes through the motions of cleaning up the “spill,” they are also trying to recover the oil they collect and process it and sell it to us so we can drive our cars to Walmart.

The oil was unleashed by criminal negligence on the part of BP, formerly the British Petroleum company, a transnational oil giant with a great branding campaign that just a few years ago tried to sell itself as “Beyond Petroleum,” a green energy company. I used to feel good about buying my gas at BP stations, knowing that BP — run by enlightened British executives — was working on getting us weaned off oil. Now I drive out of my way to avoid BP stations, preferring the low-rent chains that proliferate throughout the District of Columbia with their watered-down gas and clusters of panhandling homeless people. It’s my own little act of civil disobedience against a corporate giant, although I’m well aware that the little chains probably buy their gas from BP, anyway. Such is life in the postmodern era.

Who knows the extent of destruction in the gulf that has now been unleashed? It’s like an apocalyptic scenario straight from science fiction, a disaster that mankind cannot overcome. Will the gulf coast even be habitable after this, especially since BP is incapable of stopping the oil from being released into the water? And will anyone be held responsible for what happened?

And does anyone even care?

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And Then We Came to the End of Lost

Live together, die alone.

Something strange happened on our way to the oughties. Hollywood, always a broker in dreams and happy endings, began to pander ceaselessly to an audience that didn’t like to think, hated working to understand. Television had almost always been a place where audiences could tune out and enjoy, but film started to take the same approach. Features became blockbuster amusement park rides — CGI-driven events with characters who serviced the plot and where more emphasis was placed on spectacle than commentary on the human condition. Film became about watching aliens destroy the White House, where dinosaurs walked and roared, and where people could live vicariously through an on-screen serial killer while he tortured and murdered his victims. Although there are exceptions, cinema is nearly as far from the fertile creative period of the late 1960′s and 1970′s as humanity is from the primordial soup.

It’s strange, now, to find that television has become a refuge for classical storytelling. Of subtext and character and questions about life’s meaning, the choices we make, our mistakes and flaws. The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, the Wire, Sons of Anarchy, and so many others take the material that infused the early films of Coppola, Spielberg, Scorsese, Woody Allen (actually, middle-period Woody Allen, but who’s counting), Altman and their contemporaries and transplant it into a longer serialized format. Instead of spending just two hours with characters, the television medium offered a chance to tell long, engaging epic stories about the human condition. Unbound by the rules that every episode is someone’s first, arc-driven television took off and transcended the episodic reset button of a million forgotten cop shows, of Captain Picard and his planet of the week, the Dukes of Hazzard, and their eternal fight against Boss Hogg. The way was opened with the storytelling potential first  glimpsed in Twin Peaks, where the soap opera form was merged with art film, and television was transformed forever.

There were, of course, experiments along the road,  half-successful attempts to wed the serialized format to the older, episodic model. The twin space station  shows of the early mid-1990′s, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Babylon 5; the X-Files where Scully only remembered what she saw in the mythology episodes,and forgot her encounters with the paranormal in the stand-alone shows;  Millennium, where one moment Frank Black is talking to the dead and fighting a secret society bent on starting Armageddon, and the next he’s back to investigating the lastest serial killer. There were the Joss Whedon shows — Buffy, Angel and Firefly, where an arc was successfully married to the episodic format in way that exceeded all their forebears. And Battlestar Galactica, which began as an episodic show about a rag tag fleet running from genocidal machines and turned into a mishmash of mythology, mommy issues and ultimately, deus ex machina.

And then there’s Lost, the greatest experiment of them all, where an ill-fated flight from Sydney to Los Angeles crashes on a mysterious island in the middle of the pacific. Where characters — all haunted and flawed, just as we are in the real world — are forced to learn to live together or die alone. And as flashbacks allow us to understand how they got to the island, the show slowly unravels what the island is, opening mysteries that lead to existential questions of fate versus free will, faith versus reason, love versus selfishness and the potential of redemption. What began as an unconventional character-driven drama slowly evolved into the realm of fantasy and science fiction, pulling a largely mainstream audience along with it.

Of course, the audience complained — they stomped their feet.  They wanted answers now — and as the show answered questions with more questions, they became frustrated. Finally, in season six we learned that no one has all the answers — no one really knows what the island is.  There’s a power, a well of light at the center, that allows some people to live forever. It heals wounds quickly and even seems to be able to resurrect the newly dead. What that power is is never explained, nor do we ever learn its true purpose. But we do know if that power is uncorked that everyone on earth could die. Not that they will die, but that it’s possible. It becomes, therefore, a question of faith — in belief over reason. And just as no one on earth knows why we’re here or how we really came to be, no one on Lost knows, either. We find that those who pretend to know — Ben, Richard, the Others, the Dharma Initiative — really know nothing at all. Ultimately, they’re as clueless as the survivors of Oceanic 815. And even Jacob, the centuries-old being charged with defending the power at the heart of the island, and his nameless brother, the man in black, know almost as little as everyone else.

It would have been easy for the show’s creators, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, to concoct easy answers for everything. It would certainly satisfy a large chunk of the audience if Lost was just an elaborate puzzle, mechanically assembled, its pieces revealed to the viewer by the end. Most wanted to believe that this, in fact, was what the show was about. They obsessed over the long-dead Dharma initiative, the statue’s foot, the window dressing to the existential questions at the center of the show, the identity of the Others. They hunted for clues and easter eggs in every frame. And they knew that the end would give them all the answers, and that they would ultimately have what they wanted.

But, as Joss Whedon famously said, it’s the writer’s job to give the audience what they need, not what they want. And trained by years of big-budget blockbusters with neat and tidy happy endings, the audience was unprepared for what Lost would ultimately provide — a look into a mirror at their own mortality, an experience more akin to great films such as Kubrick’s 2001, Tarkovsky’s original Solaris, Krystof Kieslowsky’s musings on fate and coincidence,and Copolla’s beautiful look at a deeply flawed character, the Conversation, than to the pat adventure stories of today. Not answers to the great questions of life, but a reflection on those questions. Questions we all must face. Why am I here? Is there a purpose? Can I be redeemed for my mistakes? Will I be alone when I die?

The plot of the finale brings some degree of closure to the central conflicts of the show — Desmond disables the well of light, making both Jack, who has taken Jacob’s place as protector of the island, and the Man in Black, mortal. The island begins to crumble, just as the Man in Black intended, allowing him to finally leave. Jack believes that letting the island be destroyed will possibly kill everyone on earth. Which brings the argument that has driven Lost from the beginning to full circle — faith versus reason. Jack, the former man of reason is now a man of faith, believing that the Man in Black is destroying the world. The Man in Black, despite all evidence to the contrary, sees the island and its power as an arbitrary prison. A thing of randomness and cruel indifference to his long suffering. Jack, Locke, Jacob and the woman who raised him, he believes, were all fools.

The final fight between the two is epic and results in the Man in Black mortally wounding Jack. However, Kate is able to intervene and finish off the Man in Black before he leaves. Jack may be dying, but the monster won’t leave the island.

In this moment, Kate finally realizes that she loves Jack — something Jack has always acknowledged that he feels for her. And as she loses him, the weight of that reality — constantly pushed aside by her own selfishness and immaturity — is clear to the audience. Kate must choose between what she promised she would do before coming back to the island  – return Claire to her son and staying with Jack. A sacrifice she must make, just as Jack must sacrifice himself to the island to save everyone. At this moment the love triangle that obsessed fans for so many years is pointless — Kate is not defined by the men in her life, but what she must do for Claire and Aaron. And Jack, the healer, must give himself up for the greater good. It is a natural, and agonizingly tragic end to their arcs. But it makes deep emotional sense.

With Hurley and Ben to help him, Jack returns to the well where he must restore the island. He passes his job as protector to Hurley, the most humane of all Lost’s characters. It makes perfect sense that Hurley should protect the island — he was the one the cabin appeared to, who Jacob spoke to and guided after his murder. Hurley, who talks to the spirits of the dead and loves people, all people, is the right man for the job. And Ben, guided for so long by his need for love and approval, is finally called upon to do good. Hurley’s request that Ben stay and help him protect the island is so natural and necessary to both characters. It’s a wonderful moment further augmented by Desmond’s return to the surface. Hurley suggests that there’s no way to return him to Penny and his son, but Ben doesn’t think so. That’s the way Jacob ran things, he says. You don’t have to do that. Ben is voicing the central conceit of the show: there’s always a choice to be made — and always a chance to correct the mistakes of the past. Desmond will get his happy ending, and Hurley and Ben will facilitate it because they choose to. They have the power, and they choose Desmond over their own selfishness.

At the bottom of the well, Jack puts the cork back in the bottle, restoring the island. Sobbing with joy, he is enveloped in light — his task is done, and now he can finally be at rest. Yet, he finds himself waking above ground. As he stumbles dying through the forest, he flashes between the present and the sideways universe where all the characters have been converging all season.

This is where controversy will rage within Lost fandom until the show is forgotten. As the final season began, we saw a parallel timeline where Oceanic 815 never crashed and the survivors were all seemingly set-up for happy endings. Locke comes to terms with his disability and is given the opportunity to walk again. Jack resolves issues with his son in such a way that he puts to rest his own lingering problems with his father. Claire is given the opportunity to keep her baby, while Kate is able to help that happen. Benjamin Linus is reunited with Alex and can atone for allowing her to die. Hurley is reunited with Libby. Faraday becomes a musician instead of a scientist. Sawyer becomes a lawman instead of a criminal and finds Juliet, once more. Miles grows up with his father. Charlie realizes that he has to find his one true love, Claire. Desmond searches for Penny. Sun and Jin are brought together with their unborn child, free of her father’s influence.

But as the final moments of the show tick down, it becomes clear that the sideways universe isn’t real. It’s certainly emotionally real, but what it represents — an afterlife, the collective hopes and dreams of all the characters of the show, a fantasy that Jack experiences in his final moments, the audience’s own wishes — is uncertain. Christian Shepherd, meeting his son for one last time, tells Jack that it’s the place they all created where they can meet each other when it’s time to move on. They all died at different times and now are all dead at last and together again. As Chris Piers said after the show was over, Juliet’s dying words at the beginning of the season — saying that she and James should go out for coffee — indicated that the sideways universe was in fact real. But my own interpretation is that it represents the closure that all of the characters wanted, but never got — the wishes they experienced at the moment of death. To be reunited with their friends and loved ones one last time before moving on into oblivion.

When Jack lays in the bamboo forest just as he did in the pilot, looking up into the sky to see the others escaping the island by plane, satisfied to have saved them and resolved in his dying, the show is truly at peace with itself. He was a flawed man who always aspired to help others, but was hindered by his own feelings of inadequacy and his father’s disapproval. Yet, he was able to protect the island in a way that Jacob never could, and he was successful in freeing his friends. It was fitting, then, that his final reward was to die in the company of Vincent, the yellow Labrador retriever, who woke him at the start of the series. Laying next to Jack as he passed away, Vincent provided one last act of comfort and love. And as Jack’s eye closed a final time, finishing the story, we know that he did not die alone, nor did he die in vain.

As some of my readers probably know, a year and a half ago I was stricken with congestive heart failure and told by doctors that I would likely die. There was a moment when I lay in bed, convinced that my time was up. I thought about the events of my life, the choices I made, and how things might have gone had I done things differently. To me, I experienced my own version of the sideways universe — ultimately deciding that I would not have changed anything. To me, the sidways universe and Jack’s final moments represent the hope we all feel for redemption and closure, emotional answers to the questions that drive our lives. That it wasn’t real in the literal sense doesn’t make it any less emotionally real to the characters. It was, I believe, a collective longing for closure that they — and we the audience — all feel at the moment of death. But that is my interpretation — you are, of course, free to decide anything you like. Successful art gives you the tools to make your own decisions — and as unaccustomed as contemporary audiences are to such complexity, it is the mark of great art.

Death is something Lost did right throughout its run — characters died heroically (Charlie, Jack, Sayid), accidentally (Shannon, Boone, Michael), suddenly (Ilana, Arzt), because of their own acts of evil (Keemey, Michael), through illness (Charlotte) and were murdered (Locke, Ana Lucia, Libby and Jacob). Sometimes the audience knew it was coming, others it was a complete surprise. The deaths of major and beloved characters such as Farraday and Charlie seemed gratuitous and unnecessary to the audience, but just as no one gets to choose when they die, characters in the show often died just as randomly as in real life and often without closure.

In the end, the point of Lost is that the mysteries of life, the warring ideologies of existence, are ultimately unanswerable. What we have, instead, is the love we feel for each other. Our friends and families. Our good deeds and bad deeds and our struggle for hope and redemption. We can’t say why we are here, but we can control what we do when we’re here. For some, this kind of nuanced ending rich with subtext and open for interpretation will fall short and feel deeply unsatisfying. But for me, having glimpsed my own death firsthand, it is enough.

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